Must be a St Louis thing...

I won’t be a St Louis gal for much longer. Well, through July, which in the grand scheme of things, is not a great deal of time. I’ve accepted a job at SIU-Carbondale, starting in August of 2012. Things I’ve realized:

St Louis is the longest place I’ve lived in since my hometown (which makes sense, since I lived in my college town for only 4 years.

My current apartment is the absolute longest place I’ve lived (I’ve come to this conclusion based on the fact that I bedroom hopped in my parents’ house).

What if the dating situation is even bleaker in Carbondale? (Likely. Advice??)

I love living next to an airport.

I won’t have 6 malls to choose from?

Going to movies alone is not only not embarrassing, it’s one of my favorite things. This may be more embarrassing when I may run into people I know. On that note…

I’m going to have to actually work to avoid my students in public settings.

Life as a grad students, is actually a breeze despite my constant complaining. I’m already having nightmares about tenure, without even finishing the dissertation.

Finally, even though I’m going into a place where a social fallback is already set up (my department colleagues), what else is there? It took me a very long time to make friends outside of academia in St Louis…what is a town a quarter of the size going to do for me? (Sounding like a spoiled brat, since I grew up in a town half the size of Carbondale. Approximate percentages here).

Despite the fact that people do NOT know how to drive here (I got hit last night after a very, very mild ‘snowstorm’ (note to idiotic girl: When it is snowy/icy out, you’re not going to make that yellow light, and when you slam on your brakes, you will fishtail), as well as the fights and poor sportsmanship, I am really, really going to miss this city.

After a week of rain, my first softball game was rained out last week. Of course rather than go home and work, I instead opted to get last-minute tickets to the Cardinals game. As I made my way downtown, and waited under Stan the Man (Stan Musial, one of the greatest Cardinals ever), I was approached by an older gentleman. He asked if I was going to the game, where I responded yes, I was just waiting for my friend. He asked where I was sitting. After I responded right field, he asks if I would like better seats, and proceeded to pull off two tickets that were 4 rows behind the Cardinals dugout. I could barely stutter my thanks to this exceptionally generous and kind man.

Seats of a lifetime, just given away. I wish I knew this man’s name, but I know that I will pay this random act of kindness forward. It has restored my faith in a city that I consider less friendly than what I consider the Midwest.

I am so happy it is springtime. Not because I’ve actually adhered to my annual goal of being in shape come April, but because it’s so wonderful to be outside in this rare in-between time of not-too-cold and not-too-hot. One of my favorite things to do is eat outside at some of my favorite restaurants- although the ‘outside patios’ are usually just part of the sidewalk rather than an actually segregated part of the restaurant.

Regardless, I met a friend for dinner last night, and while I was waiting, right next to me on the sidewalk I saw something new…and of course, interesting. A game of leap frog. Between two grown male adults. Who alternated barking, ribbiting, oinking and mooing as they ‘leaped’. It was hilarious- and reminded me of a college exercise of breaking norms in public arenas. Or maybe they’d just been indulging at a Sunday afternoon happy hour….

St Louis is a baseball town. They have a professional football team, and a professional hockey team…but the heart is very definitely baseball. No complaints from this girl. As much as I love where I grew up and spent the first 22 years of my life, at times it can be hard to beat being in the stadium, with an $8.25 beer and a $4 hot dog, cheering on my beloved Cardinals. Yes, $8.25 for 16 ounces of Bud Light. And I pay it. Willingly. Because being at that game, where one pitch, one hit can change everything…

I love baseball season. Welcome back.

Went to karaoke the other night.

It made me miss college…don’t get me wrong. Even then, at my most outgoing, I was not a microphone holder, but rather, was more of a backup dancer/singer. However, it was wonderfully refreshing to see the same old college behaviors- even 250 miles south of where I witnessed them more frequently.

Although, “Mustache James” was as good as I’ve ever seen in karaoke. Maybe they take it more seriously here. 

And it clearly shows. I definitely have more than my fair share of road rage, but sometimes I think other people driving do it just to irritate me. I was astounded to learn Driver’s Education is optional in Missouri….that just seems wrong. Learn the rules of a 4-way stop, merging onto an interstate and driving in only one lane at a time. Then you may obtain your license and attempt to drive.

If you cannot do that, stay off the road. Or at least out of my way.

I am a competitive person by nature (well, I’m sure nurture had something to do with it too). I like to win. I don’t like to lose.

However, I recognize that losing is a part of life. I still don’t have to like it. What I respect enough about the game though, is to respect my competition, and to be a gracious non-winner.

I’m fairly sure St Louis (or at least my recent teammates) did not get this memo, at least the people I play with. Must be a St Louis thing. Do not get me wrong, I’ve been known to say a few four-letter words in the course of a round of golf, a softball game or after a poor receive in volleyball. What I do not understand are the people that are…well, there is no other phrase for it…poor losers.

How to lose:

When you are losing: do not quit. This will not endear you to your teammates. Do not try to serve it as hard as you can, only to hit it in the net. Do not just stand there and watch balls come somewhat near you without a movement. It pisses everyone else off.

When you are losing: do not taunt the other team into trying to hit it when it is going out or going up for a block…play the game like it is meant to be played. Also, as an extension, do not get into a physical altercation with the opposition.

When you are losing: Do not kick or throw the ball as hard as you can in a reaction to a bad play. It’s embarrassing that I am even on your team when you do that.

I learned these rules sometime in elementary school. I just wanted to pass it on to some of those who may have forgotten…..

Living in a bigger city has changed me. Not the core personality traits of course, more like an alteration of how I used to consider myself. This hit me today, after I was approached by a down-on-his-luck gentleman in a wheelchair, asking me for bus fare. If you would have put me in this scenario 5 years ago, I would have of course handed over the three dollars and sent him on his way. Present situation? A flat-out no, as I walked away to get my Subway.

Don’t judge me yet. I happen to live in a high-traffic, panhandling neighborhood. Although against the law, of course, this in not a highly enforced area of statutes. I used to give money on occasion. Case in point: I take the metro to and from school for the most part. One day, as I’m waiting to go home, I am approached by a woman: “Ma’am, ma’am. I am so embarrassed. This has never happened to me before. My car broke down over there, I don’t have any cash on me, and if I could have a dollar or two to ride the metrolink to my house, I can get some help.” Despite the fact that we have campus police, who are more than willing to aid motorists in situations like this, I give her the $2 I happen to have in my pocket. I kid you not, less than 2 weeks later, I am approached again, by the same person, with almost word for word the same story. I pointed out to her that a limited number of students ride the Metrolink, most at the same time so she may want to vary her targeting. Just a suggestion.

Overall, though, I do not doubt the need of many of the people I encounter. On the contrary, I interview criminal offenders as part of the grant I am on, many of whom are unemployed and on exceptionally limited incomes. I recognize that I am fortunate in life, and probably have a few dollars to spare (despite the grad-student salary I live on). Rather, the people that use and abuse the system or fail to use the money they collect in effective ways make me not want to help…There is a story around the city that a gentleman that plays his saxophone outside of Cardinals games earns more than $40,000 a year. That is a salary.

I’ve made a note to myself to instead carry bottled water and granola bars in my car as an alternative to offer…If the signs say “Broke and hungry” they should accept this offer, right? I saw a woman ahead of me in traffic once do this, and I thought it was a pretty sweet idea. Hopefully this will allow me to once again to consider myself a compassionate person.

I don’t think I’m a bad person. And if I was at home an a similar thing happened, I would be much more inclined to help. I hope the city hasn’t completely ruined my perspective on life…or my other, better traits. Something to consider, I suppose.

I am originally from a “small” town. Although, apparently in Iowa, everything is just generally classified as small. Fortunately for me, St Louis is actually a small big city. So it kind of works for me. My summers typically consist of me driving back to Iowa quite a bit. I’m at that age where I have a lot of weddings. And I mean a LOT of weddings. Two years ago, I was invited to over 20 weddings over the entire year. My friends here claim that I know more people getting married than they know in total. I can’t help it if I am friendly, and make weddings more fun. Let it suffice to say that I love to dance…I’m not that good at it, but weddings play the best music.

Back to the multi-hour trips home. This driving has it’s pluses and minuses. It gives me a lot of time to think (and sometimes daydream, since it is all interstate, I hate driving, and this actually makes me more of a hazard. But I don’t text). I’ve had a lot to think about lately. After turning in my big papers, I celebrated a whole lot, then continued my cocktail indulgence to comfort myself. I had one pass, and one fail. The one fail means I have one chance to revise and resubmit. A very common occurrence in the world of academia, but if this one does not pass, I am done. For the first time in my life, I am actually facing possible failure. I am not exaggerating. I have never gotten less than a B in a class, and I actually have only done that a few times. If I don’t pass comps, I am forced to reevaluate and embark on a new life plan. In some ways, maybe it would be a good thing. Like I said, I drive back to Iowa quite a bit. I miss home, many of my friends still live there, and I have no problem stating I am totally an Iowa girl at heart. But…four years of hard work towards a different goal and it all being over in a matter of months is tough to swallow.

I think the hardest thing to live with will be the fact that I did not successfully complete something. Either way, over the next few months, I’ll be working on revisions, continuing interviews with sex offenders (more on that to come), driving up and down, and keeping my sanity by cheering on my Cardinals, playing softball myself, and enjoying the variety of happy hour specials St Louis offers.

I’ve never blogged before. The most I’ve so far revealed online is a once every couple of weeks Facebook status update. But this might be more fun. My week so far?

Sunday-Tuesday: Work feverishly on papers that are due Friday (by papers, I mean my comprehensive exams to continue on in graduate school).

Wednesday: My life gets glamorous. How glamorous? I got to interview some convicted offenders as part of my grant work that I get paid for. My mother’s reaction? “Are you alone in the room with them?” To answer her, and you, yes. Don’t worry, glass doors.

Wednesday afternoon: More work on papers….hopefully after Friday my life gets more exciting. And I can report on all the crazies I interact with on a daily basis here in the big city…Except on Friday night, I will be one of those crazies, because I intend to reward myself on paper writing by indulging in a few cocktails!